No Day But Today, Man: From Broadway to Basements
by elphabachan
Summary: The gang's POV of Jackie's departure from Point Place, to showtunes! How do different people feel? And how does she feel?
1. Prologue: Halloween

_**No Day But Today, Man: When Broadway Meets Basements**_

A/N: I'm back! And trying something new. Song fics are pretty cool, and I just saw RENT in NYC. So I'm trying out the concept of writing a song EPIC involving songs from RENT and what led to Jackie's departure from Point Place. From many different points of view! w00t.So let's try it out!

Disclaimer: I own nothing from 70s Show or RENT.

**Prologue: Halloween (Eric)**

Halloween is my favorite holiday. The first Halloween of the new decade, 1980, and I am in Madison. My girlfriend is meeting me outside the church and we're gonna go out all day, first to a pumpkin patch, then to dinner, and then to a midnight monster show. Donna loves it here, and I like it too. But neither of us have been the same since she left. No, not Donna. Jackie.

_How did we get here?_

_How the hell, and left._

_Close on the steeple of the church._

_How did I get here? How the hell?_

_Christmas! Christmas time last year…_

I try to make Donna forget, she tries to immerse herself in her school work, and our new friends here in Madison. But who can forget the oldest and dearest friends you had? Even if in the end it was all a big mess that should have been left? Why do I regret the fact that she's gone? Why did her leaving throw everything off? How could she affect us all so much and we didn't even know it? And what had we done to her that made her feel the need to escape?

_How could a night so frozen _

_Be so scalding hot?_

_How can a morning this mild be so raw?_

I haven't talked to any of my friends outside of Donna, any of my old friends I mean. I swore that I wouldn't become one of those people, but now I have no motivation. It's not the same. And I can't help but wonder what the hell happened…

_Why are entire years strewn on the_

_Cutting room floor of memory_

_When single frames of one magic night_

_Flicker forever in close up on the _

_3D Imax of my mind?_

_That's poetic!... That's pathetic._

I had been using my crappy video camera more when I got back from Africa, and just watching all of them on it, I could see the tension in our group. I could see how Fez rarely talked about candy, how Kelso, when he was there, had his mind in other places, how Hyde never smiled, and how Donna always looked worried. And Jackie. She always had sad eyes, no matter how much she tried to smile for the camera. For her close up. I run them back every once in awhile in my dorm room, and shake my head. The images don't help me pinpoint where it all went wrong, but it's wrongness just blew up that Christmas night. Again, I was just on the sidelines. Filming.

_Why am I the witness?_

_And when I capture it on film,_

_Will it mean that it's the end and I'm alone?_

I see Donna across the street. She waves, and runs to me.

"Happy Halloween, Eric," she says. "To the pumpkin patch?"

"Yes," I say, wrapping my arms around her. I take her in a long hug, and she's obviously caught off guard by my need to hold her. She pulls away, eyebrows raised at me.

"What's wrong?" she asks.

"…. You know, I bet that Faust never thought that a person could miss The Devil," I state. It takes her a moment, but recognition follows. She nods, and a sad smile crosses her face.

"I miss her too, Eric," she says. "I miss everyone. I miss what we all had. I can't help but think about last Christmas, and wonder if we'll see her at this one."

"Do you think we will?"

"…. No." I put my arm around her, and we walk towards my car. Off to the pumpkin patch. One more day to put it behind us. We'll see if we ever can.


	2. Chapter 1: Christmas Bells

A/N: Just a note, it's hard for me to write from Fez's POV, so if he seems OOC, a thousand pardons.

Disclaimer: I don't own either THAT 70S SHOW or RENT.

Chapter 1: Christmas Bells (Fez)

There comes a time in every person's life that they need to find something beyond their comfort zone. I believe that is why I left my home country. I needed to explore the world, and find myself. Little did I know that I would end up in Point Place, Wisconsin, but I do believe that I have found that new place where I want to be. So I am able to understand when someone else wants to find that place.

_Christmas Bells are ringing._

_Christmas Bells are ringing._

_Christmas Bells are ringing._

_On TV. At Saks._

It was just surprising when I found out that Jackie wanted to do just that. Jackie was always the girl who didn't see anything beyond her surroundings, and her comfort zone, and rarely wanted to leave it. She was always the delicate flower who would open to the world, but when the scary dark night came, she'd fold back up again. Perhaps it was because she had seen the night enough to know that she needed to escape it, and hiding wouldn't do it. Fez, you metaphorical gigolo.

And what drives a flower to uproot herself and face the night? A selfish sonofabitch by the name of Hyde. He toyed with her feelings, and then messed up our friendship. I, Fez, had the flower in my possession for a full two weeks. We confessed our undying love for each other, spent two weeks of romantic evenings (though my needs were not fulfilled), long walks, and sinfully lovely dinners of strawberries (fruit, blech) and chocolate (candy!). But then I had to break it off. Because she was obviously still in love with that JERK Hyde.

But it was no matter. We were better as friends anyway. So imagine my sadness when I found out she was leaving.

_No sleigh bells, no Santa Claus._

_No yule log, no tinsel._

_No holly, no hearth._

It started out innocently enough. Miss Kitty was throwing her annual Christmas Party a few days before Christmas. Hyde's wife had returned the week before, though she isn't really his wife. Never was his wife. Already married. Anyhoo, so at Kitty's party, I was eating lots of cookies and candy, and drinking eggnog, and everyone was having a good time.

"Fez, smile for the camera," Eric said, and I grinned and waved. My stomach was rumbly though. I realized that what the party needed was some ham. So I walked into the kitchen, and began to raid the fridge. I knew that Miss Kitty had some ham she was going to cook the next night. I was about to cut some off, when I heard muffled yelling from the living room. I walked to the door, and listened to the commotion. I couldn't hear what was being said, but I knew it was between Jackie and Hyde. I decided to stay in the kitchen, so I don't know what was said. But before I knew it, the front door SLAMMED and then Hyde came through the kitchen door and went out the back and SLAMMED it, and Sam came running after him. I went back into the living room, a hunk of ham in my hand. The only people left were Bob, Red, Miss Kitty, and Eric.

"What… did I MISS!" I exclaimed, damning my stomach. And no one answered. Though Red did chase me out of the house for cutting into the ham.

_No Rudolph the red nosed reindeer._

_No Rudolph the red nosed reindeer._

I didn't hear from Jackie for a couple days. She went to her mothers, and stayed there. When she came back to our apartment, on Christmas Eve, she brought a moving truck she rented.

"Jackie, what's going on?" I asked.

"I'm moving back in with my Mom," she said, packing up her things from her room.

"Why?" I asked.

"Because I can't stay here another minute," she stated, throwing her stuffed animals in the boxes. "I can't be with any of you while I work on my life. Fez, I'm leaving Point Place."

"Oh really?" I asked, and laughed a little. She looked at me with sad eyes. "I mean, oh. Where are you going?"

"If things go my way, New York University," she said. I was shocked. New York University? I had heard many things about this University. And this city. I had hoped that someday I could go there.

"That's pretty far away."

"That's kind of the point." And she took about the afternoon to get all her things on the truck and out of our home. She asked me to help, and I did, but I was shocked. I didn't know that the fight at the Christmas Party was so bad. I was seething at what Hyde had done, but I didn't show it while I helped her pack. She was very quiet, deep in thought. Once we had loaded the last of her things onto the truck, we stopped and looked at each other.

"You really don't have to move out," I said.

"Yeah, I do," she said. "But thanks for letting me know I'm welcome. It's been awhile since I've felt welcome anywhere." I nodded, and we hugged.

"And I'm sorry that it didn't work out. Us, I mean," she said.

"We could try again."

"No, no, that's okay, it's better that it didn't work out," she said. "You were right. I still care about Steven too much."

"He doesn't deserve you," I stated. She smiled to herself, and looked up at me.

"Merry Christmas, Fez," she said.

"Merry Christmas, Jackie," I answered, and she got into the van, and drove down the street. It was snowing again as she left. And that was our last tender moment.

_No room at the Holiday Inn, oh no!_

_And it's beginning to snow…. _


	3. Chapter 2: Seasons of Love

Chapter 2: Seasons of Love (Kitty)

Disclaimer: I don't own anything from 70S SHOW or RENT.

Oh dear. Lord knows that I blame myself for the big fight that happened that night. Red always says that my eggnog brings out the beast in people. It certainly brought out the beasts in Steven and Jackie that night. And in me. I should have kept my mouth shut, but I can't stand that tramp who I thought we were rid of. But no, she sashays back into our lives, and I start something so much bigger than I could have known would happen.

Well I felt so awful, the next day I called the apartment to invite Jackie over to make Christmas cookies with me, but Fez told me that she was back at Pamela's. She must have been upset if she wanted to go back to her lush of a mother. Not that I'm judging, but that woman is not a good influence, and Jackie knows it. So to be driven back there must have meant that she was very upset. After hanging up I began thinking about what happened in the past year that could have made the normally loud, peppy Jackie so depressed that she would go back there.

_Five hundred twenty five thousand six hundred minutes._

_Five hundred twenty five thousand moments so dear._

_Five hundred twenty five thousand six hundred minutes._

_How do you measure, measure a year?_

Lord knows I don't try and understand kids these days. Especially Jackie. She is loud, egotistical, vain, selfish, and shallow. But there is more to her than that. I've come to realize that this is all a façade to keep from getting hurt. Because once that façade was down, she was repeatedly and brutally hurt by the people she loved most. And the past year had been such a horrible year for her, because it wasn't just her mother and father who were doing, or even Steven. It was all of her friends. The poor girl was emotionally abandoned by them all, even if they didn't realize they were doing it. She would come to me with her problems, and said that no one else understood or listened. I found this surprising and troubling. With Michael gone, and my baby boy in Africa, their group, my surrogate BABIES, kind of fell apart. And as she spiraled downward, everyone was too wrapped up in their own hooey to help her. So I guess she just decided it was time for her to move on.

_In daylights? In sunsets?  
_

_In midnights? In cups of coffee?_

_In inches, in miles in laughter in strife._

_In five hundred twenty five thousand six hundred minutes?_

_How do you measure a year in the life?_

She came to me with her news. She knocked on the back screen as I baked a pie that February. It was for Red, for Valentines Day. I motioned for her to come in, and she walked to me, envelope in her hand.

"Hello Jackie," I said. "What is this?" She showed me the letter, but didn't let me touch it because she was concerned I would get pie dough on it.

"It's an acceptance letter to college," she said. "I wanted you to know first."

"Oh Jackie, that's wonderful!" I exclaimed, hugging her and being sure not to muss up her pretty little outfit. "Are you going to Madison with Donna?"

"No, Mrs. Foreman," she said. "I'm going to New York University." She smiled, but it wasn't a regular Jackie smile. It was more of a sad yet content smile.

"Oh my goodness," I said, looking at it. "Well Jackie that's wonderful!"

"Yeah, I know," she said.

"So why did you want to tell me first?" I asked. "Why not Donna, or your mother? Or Fez, even?"

"Because Fez is mad that I'm leaving, my mother is out of town with Hal, and Donna would be mad," she said.

"Why do you think that?" I asked.

"Because I finally did something better than she did," Jackie stated. "I know that she's always seen me as the second best, and as much as I tried to deny it, it was true. She always got more guy attention, she always was more stable, and she always had the better advice. But this time, I'm the better one." Her voice was even, yet bitter. I had a feeling that she felt especially betrayed by Donna in the past year.

_How about love?_

_Measure in love._

_Seasons of love, seasons of love._

"I'm sure she will be nothing but happy for you," I said, and she nodded.

"I knew that you would be the one who hugged me and told me you were proud," Jackie said. "You're the best mother I've had, Mrs. Foreman. And a girl should tell her mother when she gets in to college." I felt tears coming on, so I hugged her again, and she hugged me back.

Eric came into the kitchen with his cute little camera.

"You love Jackie more then me, Mom," he said.

"You know that's not true!" I protested. "Are you filming?"

"Maaaybe," he said, and I threw my towel at the camera.

"I look horrible, Eric, why don't you film Jackie?" I asked. But Jackie scampered out of the kitchen.

_Five hundred twenty five thousand six hundred minutes._

_Five hundred twenty five thousand journeys to plan._

_Five hundred twenty five thousand six hundred minutes._

_How do you measure the life of a woman or man?_

_In truths that she learned, or in times that he cried._

_In bridges he burned, or the way that she died._

As February drew to a close, I noticed the absence of Jackie from our basement. So it was down to four people, Eric, Steven, Donna, and Fez (unless you count that tramp Sam). I wondered if they knew that she was going so far away come summer. In early March, I found Donna on the couch alone as I did laundry.

"So have you talked to Jackie?" I asked, as I did laundry.

"Yeah," Donna said, looking at me.

"How is she?" I asked.

"…. I don't really know. She's leaving, you know." I nodded, and sat next to her

on the couch.

"Yes, I did know," I said. "How does that make you feel?"

"… I don't know."

"Well, are you happy for her?"

"I feel like she's running away from her problems."

"Well, there are worse ways to do that," I said, and laughed. Donna nodded, and I sighed. "Donna, I think that Jackie needs to do this. We both know that this past year has been pretty rough for her."

"Well it's been rough on all of us," she said, harsher than she meant to. She pulled back, and I arched my eyebrows at her. "I mean, she isn't the only one who has problems. She isn't the only one who had a rough year."

"Are you jealous?"

"No!"

"I think that Jackie feels that she needs to leave this town," I said. "I know your year was rough too, but you had Steven, who's been your friend since you were little. You had your father. You had Randy. And Eric is home now. But Jackie… she had no one."

"She had me."

"Did she? Were you there for her? Did you let her cry on your shoulder? Or were you so wrapped up in your own life that you lost track of hers?" I said, flatly. Donna didn't have an answer for it. "Sweetie, this year has been hard for everyone. But I think that Jackie felt like she was alone. This is going to be a great opportunity for her. But you need to let her know that she will always have you." Donna nodded, and I pat her shoulder.

"She wants me to tell Hyde," Donna said. I nodded, she sighed.

It became clear that my talk helped Donna work things out with Jackie. The news of Jackie's imminent departure spread, and some were happy. Though that happiness was kind of fleeting. Of course, anyone who would be happy about her leaving, I would have to call them a two bit tramp.

But I'm not judging.

_It's time now to sing out._

_Though the story never ends._

_Let's celebrate, remember a year_

_In the life of friends!_

_Remember the love._

_Measure in love._

_Seasons of Love, seasons of love._


	4. Chapter 3: Take Me or Leave Me

A/N: Taking an unpopular approach and writing a chapter from Sam's POV. Though I'm happy with it, I still feel a little dirty...

Disclaimer: I still own nothing from 70s Show or RENT.

Chapter 3: Take Me or Leave Me (Sam)

I'm not used to being ignored. No man I had met in my whole stripping career was able to resist me. My first husband was all over me all the time, and I loved the attention for awhile. Then I got bored, and needed adventure. I thought that Steven Hyde could be some fun. He was angsty, mysterious, sarcastic, and distant. Of course, once I knew he was drunk enough, I went to the alter with him, thinking he could be the adventure I was seeking.

He was an adventure all right. Straight out of 'Apocalypse Now'.

_Every single day I walk down the street._

_I hear people say 'baby, so sweet!'_

_Ever since puberty, everybody stares at me._

_Boys, girls, I can't help it, baby._

_So be kind, don't lose your mind._

_Just remember that I'm your baby._

I left the first time because I loved the passion but missed the affection. That and yes, I was still married. But once I'd left, I missed my poor, misguided asshole Steven Hyde. I knew he was just using me to forget about his princess Jackie, but I thought that maybe he'd learn to love me, and I could have both passion and affection. After all, he didn't want me to leave. That's a good sign, or so I thought.

Ma Kettle's little Christmas Party sucked. For one thing, it was and old fogie party, with Christmas cookies, and music, and little excitement. My only solace was making out with Steven as much as I could but Jackie was there, so it made things awkward. And then Mrs. Foreman (who I always knew didn't like me) shot her mouth off, and Steven got defensive of me. But the fact that he yelled at Jackie was a weird sign to me. Well, I wasn't really paying attention, I was more trying to make myself disappear, so I don't remember the details of it. But he made her cry, which I thought was pretty cool, and then she hit him. I would have done something, but it sounded like it hurt, so I didn't want to get a piece of it. She ran out one door, he ran out the other. I followed him.

"Hey, wait for me!" I called after him as he stormed out the back door. "Baby, don't let that bitch get to you!" He kept walking, and got in his car. "Lover, where are you going?" I tried to open the door, but he locked it, and rolled down the window a little bit.

"Leave me alone, Sam," he snapped, and I knew not to mess with him either.

_Take me for what I am,_

_Who I was meant to be._

_And if you give a damn,_

_Take me, baby, or leave me. _

There was such a change in him in the next couple of months. He became even more distant than usual, and he rarely wanted to have sex. He would stay later and later at the record store, and I would be stuck at home after my job, alone. One night in February, I overheard Red and Kitty talking about Jackie.

"I'm just worried that she is going to be all alone out there," Kitty said. I sat at the top of the stairs, and listened. "New York is such a big and dangerous city!"

"Kitty, she will be on campus all the time, you don't have to worry about her," Red said. "She'll get there in early August, earlier than most people, and I'm sure she'll call you right away." I smiled. Jackie was going to New York. For school! This was perfect! I hoped that when she left, Steven and I could get back to our life together. So I didn't tell him, because I didn't know how he'd react when he found out.

Except Donna told him once March came.

"So what if she's leaving?" he asked. She bit her lip, and glared at him.

"So what? What do you mean so what?" Donna asked putting her hands on her hips. "Shall I remind you that you used to love this girl with all your heart? Have you even talked to her since you said that bullshit about never loving her?"

"Well, he just wants to move on with his life," I stated, and Donna turned to me.

"No one asked for your opinion!" Donna snapped, and we were all surprised. She had never snapped at me like that before. "God, why are you even down here?"

"Donna," Steven said, but she held up her hands.

"No, it's because of YOU, Hyde, that this group broke up!" Donna snapped. "It's because of you that I have to tolerate this… this… anti-feminist woman who represents everything I can't stand in our sex!" With that, she stormed out of the basement, her weenie boyfriend following her, and left me alone with Steven and that creepy foreign guy.

_A tiger in a cage can never see the sun._

_This Diva needs her stage, baby. Let's have fun!_

_You are the one I choose. Folks'd kill to fill your shoes!_

_You love the limelight too baby.  
_

_So be mine or don't waste my time cryin'_

'_Oh honey bear are you still my baby?'_

After his oldest friend had bitched him out, I felt the need to do some damage control. That night, I put on a skimpy negligee, lit candles in our room, and waited with chocolate and cheap champagne. When he got home from work, I was waiting on the bed.

"Hey lover," I said, seductively. He smiled, and walked and sat next to me on the bed. "Long day?"

"Long month," he said, and I nodded.

"We can work on that," I said, and kissed him. He kissed me back, and then pulled away.

"Wanna get married for real?" he asked. I was shocked, but nodded happily.

"Yes!" I exclaimed, sure that I had finally won him over.

_Take me for what I am, who I was meant to be._

_And if you give a damn, take me, baby, or leave me._

I was able to distract him for awhile, until the Spring came, and Donna and Eric began talking more about what Jackie was up to. She was apparently doing all the collegey stuff, all three of them had began their college shopping. Yeah, at least Donna was gonna leave too so Steven wouldn't be guilted by her. I tolerated her gabbing about Jackie, because it was about how she was leaving, and reminding Steven that our problem was going to be gone soon. Jackie was such a pest, even when she wasn't around. I don't understand how a little twerp like that can hold a guy like him. He didn't see it, of course, but I could. I knew that she was gnawing at his soul like a disease. And I resented her for it.

"So we were going to get lamps for our dorms, but she couldn't find a pink one, so we had to go hunting all over the place until she finally settled on a purple one that was back at the first store," she said, irritated but laughing all the while. It was gross.

"When does she leave?" Fez asked.

"Early August, thank God," I said, and everyone looked at me. Oh crap, I thought.

"How did you know?" Donna asked. "I never told you that."

"… Yes you did," I answered.

"No I didn't, I don't talk to you," Donna stated. I was caught. "And she doesn't talk to you."

"… Kitty told me."

"Kitty doesn't talk to you either." That was Eric that time. What a whipped boyfriend.

"Fine, I overheard her and Red talking!" I snapped at her.

"When?" Steven asked. I was caught, and he knew that I knew back in February. And Donna told him in March. He glared at me, and stood up and stormed up the stairs. I followed him.

"Baby, how is it a big deal?" I asked as I followed him to the car. "You don't care, you never loved her, remember?"

"You knew that she was leaving before I did and never said anything, Sam," he growled. "Why not? Why did you hide it from me? Are you threatened by her? Don't you trust me?"

"Well why should I?" I demanded. "You obviously still have SOME feelings for her if your panties are getting twisted over this! You said you never loved her!"

"That's not the point!"

"How could you still be into that spoiled, vain, obnoxious bitch?" I demanded.

"She may be all those things, Sam, but at least she is honest with me, unlike you, who is conniving and opportunistic!" he snapped. I was pissed.

_That's it. The straw that breaks my back!_

_I quit unless you take it back._

_Women, what is it about them?_

_Can't live with them, can't live without them!_

"Fine, just drive away, lover, but if you do, you can't hold me responsible for what I do!" I snarled. "Unless you get out of that car and we talk about this, our relationship is in super trouble, do you understand me?" He slammed the car door, and just drove away. I was left in the middle of the driveway. The bitch had won again.

Nerd boy had followed me with his dumbass camera. He had filmed the whole thing.

"Samantha, your fiancé has just driven off in a huff, and you are alone with people who aren't that crazy about you," he said. "What ARE you going to do now?"

"Get away from me Nerdboy, before I shove that camera up your ass," I snapped, and stormed into the house.

_Take me for what I am, who I was meant to be._

_And if you give a damn, take me baby, or leave me._

_Take me baby, or leave me._

_Guess I'M leavin'. I'm gone! _


	5. Chapter 4: What You Own

A/N: I don't remember if I mentioned it before, but I've had to tweak some of Larson's lyrics (BROADWAY GODS FORGIVE ME) so they make more sense to this story and are not as RENT-y.

Disclaimer: I own not a notion, nor 70S SHOW or RENT.

Chapter 4: What You Own (Donna)

Jackie is the only close girl friend I have. I grew up playing with boys, so even though Jackie was a brat, and spoiled, and really girly, she was admittedly better to talk to than Kelso or Hyde when it came to Eric stuff and other girly things. But the problem was that I never really told her that. I didn't even realize it, and it all went nuts while at that disastrous party Kitty threw. I followed her out of the party after she and Hyde screamed at each other, and tried to catch up with her, but she would not stop and listen to me, as if she was just as mad at me as she was at Hyde.

'Jackie, wait up! Come on, are you going to walk home?' I had called, and Jackie kept walking through the snow. I caught up to her, and grabbed her shoulder. 'Jackie, let's talk about this.'

'I don't want to talk about it! I am through being humiliated and having my heart ripped up into tiny pieces while everyone sits by idly and acts like nothing happened!' she exclaimed, weeping. 'I just want to be left alone! Let me have one Christmas where I can just be left alone!'

'Jackie-.'

'I want all of you to leave me alone!' she exclaimed, trudging and crying. I sighed, exasperated, and went back to the party to help Kitty clean up.

_Don't breathe too deep, don't think all day._

_Dive into work, drive the other way._

_That drip of hurt, that pint of shame_

_goes away, just play the game._

When she told me that she was going to NYU, I know I should have been more supportive.

"What do you mean you're going to NYU?" I asked as we sat on my car in the cold. She was smiling, hopefully.

"I got in, and I'm going," she said. "Isn't that cool?" I was jealous, I admit it. But I was mad that I hadn't heard about these plans until they were confirmed. I was hurt that she hadn't bothered to tell me about a huge life decision.

"Are you sure this isn't a way to run away from your problems?" I asked. "I know that you and Hyde haven't been speaking, but-."

"Why aren't you happy for me?" she demanded. We argued. She stormed into her house and I drove home. We argued a lot about telling Hyde, and she told me to tell him if it was such a big deal. Kitty and I had a talk that night, and I realized that I had been a pretty crappy friend that year. Not only wasn't I happy that she got into a great school, but I had almost completely disregarded her feelings that whole year. And that was why she was so mad at me at the Christmas party as well, because I didn't tell Hyde to shut his fat face, or to tell him to take his girlfriend elsewhere. I was a lousy friend, and Kitty hit that point home.

_You're living in America at the end of the millennium,_

_You're living in America. Leave your conscience at the tone._

_And when you're living in America at the end of the millennium,_

_You're what you own._

I felt so lousy that I didn't talk to her for the rest of the month. I told Hyde in early March about how she was going to NYU, and his apathy pissed me off. His girlfriend pissed me off more. Mainly because I didn't defend Jackie enough in the past year in front of her. I even invited her to a slumber party that was supposed to be just me and Jackie. GOD, why was I such a BITCH! I was all mopey about Eric, and I forgot that Jackie was having a rougher time than I was. But come mid March, I needed to talk to her. I missed her, and I didn't want her to feel alone, especially during her last spring in Point Place. So Eric and I drove to her place, and while Eric waiting in the car I pounded on the door. She answered, and crossed her arms.

"Yes?" she asked.

"I told him," I said.

"And how did he react?"

"Pretty apathetic."

"I thought as much. Thanks." She began to close the door, but I put my foot in it. "Donna, could you move your clown foot from the door so I can keep the cold air out?" I forced the door open, and walked in.

"I'm gonna ignore the clown foot remark. We're talking, Jackie," I said. "Whether you like it or not." She growled, rolling her eyes, but let me in. We walked to the living room, and she sat in a chair while I sat on the floor. Great, make me feel like I'm groveling, I thought. But I deserved it, I knew I did. I looked up at her, and she raised her eyebrows at me.

"Well, what did you want to talk about?" she asked, arms crossed. I sighed. God, I was so jealous, even then when I was desperate to be her friend again. She was going to NYU? I always prided myself on being the smartest one in our group, but it wasn't completely true. She was as smart as I was, and I was begging for her approval and forgiveness. It sucked.

_The filmmaker cannot see,_

_And the songwriter cannot hear._

_But I see her everywhere,_

_Her voice is in my ear._

_Just tighten those shoulders,_

_Just clench your jaw til you frown._

_Just don't let go, or you may drown._

"Jackie, I just want to say that I am sorry," I said.

"About being mean to me about NYU?" she asked.

"Actually, about this whole year," I said, and I got on my knees so we were face to face with each other. "I know that I have been a really lousy friend this year."

"Donna, you haven't-," she began, getting uncomfortable, but I grabbed her hands and shook my head.

"No, I have, Jackie," I said. "I know I have. I've been so self centered in the sea of my own issues, I didn't realize that you were struggling with yours. Even drowning in them. And for that I feel so bad." Tears began slipping from her eyes, and she tried to wipe them with her shoulder, but it didn't work. I began to cry too.

"I just want you to forgive me for forgetting about you," I said, my voice choking. "I didn't mean to, Jackie, and I was so stupid. I should have been there for you, stood up for you, but instead I just let it all happen to you and did nothing! That's not what friends do." She shook her head, and we hugged.

"It's been so hard, Donna!" she wailed. "I didn't want to leave, but now I feel like it's what's best for me! I don't know what I want to do!"

"Jackie," I said, pulling away so we were looking right at each other. "Take this opportunity, for God's sake take it. NYU is such a good school, you need to go."

"You won't hate me for leaving you?" she asked, and I laughed a little bit.

"No, Jackie, I won't," I said. "I'm leaving too, remember?" She nodded, and we hugged again.

Eric came in at that point.

"It was getting cold in the car," he said, and filmed us. "Have you two made up?"

"Yes," we both said.

"Can I film your reunion?"

"No!" we exclaimed, and threw couch pillows at him.

"Watch my camera!" he exclaimed.

_You're living in America at the end of the millennium._

_You're living in America, and it's like the Twilight Zone._

_And when you're living in America at the end of the millennium,_

_You're what you own._

We made up for lost time the rest of the spring. We would have slumber parties (just the two of us), we'd go shopping for college, Eric in tow, and go to movies, and go to dinner. I asked her if she wanted to move back in with me and my Dad, but she said that she could stick it out at her Mom's house. The slumber parties just happened to be at my house, mainly. But she avoided the basement like the plague. Even when Hyde and Sam weren't there she just couldn't bring herself to go down there. It brought back too many memories she would just as soon forget.

Unfortunately, Hyde was not very happy about my closeness to Jackie again. I just can't win, I guess. His relationship with Sam was deteriorating, I noticed that he was drinking every night, and I had no idea what to do with him.

One night, he called me from the bar, saying he was too drunk to drive and he couldn't walk. So I had to go pick him up. That was in July, so Jackie was leaving very soon, and I wasn't far behind. I think that the loss of the most important women in his life was too hard for him to bear, even though he was convinced that he was happy about Jackie leaving. I walked into the bar, and helped him to my car. Once I got him buckled, and I began driving, I knew it was time to pry. While he was drunk he was vulnerable.

_So I own not a notion_

_I escape and ape content._

_I don't own emotion, I rent._

"Eric could have picked you up," I said as he got in.

"Eric could sleep through an air raid, a telephone wouldn't disturb him," he said, stumbling a little.

"Why didn't you call Sam?" I asked.

"Why should I wake her? She would just be pissed," Hyde muttered, leaning back in the car seat. "She's always pissed at me these days."

"Maybe because you don't talk to her," I said, and he grunted. "Look, I know that things are getting weird because I'm leaving, and Jackie's leaving."

"I don't care about Jackie!" he snapped, and I was surprised at his anger.

"Jesus, calm down!" I snapped back. "I was just saying that it's hard because we're both leaving, and you're stuck here with Fez. I can understand that you're getting through it with booze. But it's not cool."

"This has nothing to do with Jackie," he muttered. I sighed, and he sat up. "Pull over!" I groaned, and did so, and he puked out of the car door.

"You are so pathetic," I said as he vomited. "You know, I still stand by the statement that it's your fault that our group got fucked up."

"Shut up, I'm puking," he groaned.

"If you weren't so damn stubborn you'd realize that you still love her," I muttered, crossing my arms.

"If you weren't so nosy you'd realize that it's not your business," he stated, pulling himself back into the car.

"Hyde, I don't understand why you broke it off," I said. "We all know you still love her. Well, she doesn't, you put on QUITE the show at Christmas."

"Being with Jackie is complicated, man," he slurred, leaning back again. "Who wants complication in a relationship? Sam isn't complicated."

"Sam doesn't talk to you any more," I pointed out.

"But at least it's not complicated," he continued. "Jackie always made it hard." I pulled over again, and made him face me by taking off those damn sunglasses.

"Love is hard, you dumbass," I said. "Do you think that Eric's and my relationship is a walk in the goddamn park? If you love someone, it's going to be complicated, but it's worth the complication! If you dumped her because it was too complicated, you're a bigger coward than I thought you were." He had a glimmer of sobriety as I said this, and put his sunglasses back on. I glared at him, started up the car, and drove him home.

_Dying in America, at the end of the millennium._

_We're dying in America to come into our own._

_And when you're dying in America at the end of the millennium._

_You're not alone._

Everyone went to the airport that day, except Hyde. She wasn't expecting anything else, but I could tell that she was sad. As everyone said their goodbyes, I was last. She looked at me, and smiled a little bit.

"You'll call when you get in, right?" I asked.

"Yes."

"When are you coming back?"

"I don't know," she said. "Donna, I don't know if I am going to come back, honestly." I nodded, and knew that she may not either. But I couldn't blame her.

"Well, if you ever want to, you can stay with me," I said. "You know my Dad thinks of you like a second daughter." She smiled, and nodded. We hugged, and cried, and kissed each other's cheeks.

"Don't worry that he didn't come, Jackie," I said. She nodded.

"He knows how I feel," she said. I looked at her quizzically, but decided not to ask. "I'll call." I nodded, and watched her get on the plane. And even as she left, and even though I didn't know when I'd see her again, I knew that we'd always be friends.

_I'm not alone._


	6. Chapter 5: Without You

Disclaimer: I still own nothing from 70S SHOW or RENT

Chapter 6: Without You (Jackie)

I knew that it was going to be a bad party as soon as I saw that eggnog was involved. So I purposely avoided it because 1) I can't hold my liquor, and 2) it's fatty and I have a figure to watch. Before the incident, Eric was filming the people in the room. He moved the camera on me, and I groaned.

"Jackie Burkhart, now that it's a little more than a week until the New Year, what is your resolution?" he asked me, and I primped into the camera.

"Well Eric, I'm going to try to become a huge sensation at the news station, and possibly get in shape so I can be the hottest thing to hit Point Place TV since my boss's heyday," I gushed, and Donna laughed. Eric moved in really close, so I smiled as best I could, despite the fact the man I loved was making out with a slut.

"I just want to propose a toast," Kitty said, and yeah, it was a little awkward. She was pretty tipsy. Donna and I exchanged glances. "To Donna, who has decided to go to college in the fall. You're like the daughter I never had."

"There's Laurie," Red said.

"Oh she doesn't count!" Kitty said, and I stifled a laugh.

"She's blotto," Donna whispered, and I nodded, smiling.

"To Eric, for being home for good! I MISSED MY BABY!" she exclaimed, and Eric nodded, sort of horrified at the scene his Mom was making.

"And also to Steven," Kitty said. "His business is thriving, and thank GOD he wasn't really married to you, Sam." The awkward silence began at that point. Steven and Sam looked sooo embarrassed. I would have enjoyed it if she hadn't continued.

"And who knows? Maybe next time you'll marry the right person," she said, and I felt my stomach lurch. You know how car wrecks happen? How it's in slow motion and you just know it's going to be bad but you can't look away? "Steven, this toast is a toast of good fortune, and here's hoping that you and Jackie get married some day, like it should have been." Oh my God, I thought, and everyone looked over at me.

And Steven looked like he was going to murder me.

_Without you the ground thaws._

_The rain falls, the grass grows._

_Without you the seeds root._

_The flowers bloom, the children play_.

"So let me guess, you put her up to this," he said, looking at me. I stared at him for about three seconds, and then put my hands on my hips.

"What are you talking about?" I asked, arching my eyebrow. "Are you suggesting that I gave Kitty the eggnog, and whispered in her ear that she should say that you should have married me instead? Or maybe I sent her psychic messages across the room, right?"

"You've been tearing down Sam ever since she got here, why should I believe otherwise?" he demanded. "You've manipulated people into disliking her just because I picked her over you!"

"You are so full of it, Steven, I did no such thing!" I yelled, furious that he was blaming ME for Kitty's alcoholic ramblings. "Did you ever stop and think that maybe everyone thinks your stripper is kind of trashy! I didn't influence Kitty at all!"

"But I'm sure you went to her and told you how much Sam 'hurt' you and 'insulted' you and 'made you feel bad' just by living," he snarled.

"Well yes, because it's all true!" I yelled.

"Like how you used Fez to make me jealous, and pretended to have a boyfriend to make me jealous too!" he yelled, fuming. "You're still just that pathetic cheerleader who expects people to do things for her! When will you just grow up?"

"Steven, how can you say that! You're the one who told Fez to dye my hair GREEN! You never used to be this horrible to me, even when we hated each other when I was with Michael! Why does it change now? Doesn't the fact that we used to love each other change your nastiness!" And then he said it.

"Well Jackie, it hasn't changed, because I never loved you!" It came out so easily for him, as my stomach felt like it had been punched by iron fists. I felt my throat constrict, and like I was going to pass out.

_The stars gleam, the poets dream._

_The eagles fly without you._

_The Earth turns, the sun burns._

_But I die without you._

"… That's not true," I managed to squeak out, unable to breathe. But he looked at my coldly and triumphantly. He knew that he had wounded my soul. And he reveled in it.

"Sorry, doll, but it is true. You were the lay I needed," he said, and I felt the rage begin to build. The betrayal. The anger. The devastation. "When you got uppity, I moved on. I. Never. Loved you." I don't know where I got the strength to do what I did next. But I felt my arm swing back, and I hit him right across the face. A loud 'SMACK' echoed in the room, and everyone gasped. I was surprised myself, and then the sobs began to escape from the throat. I ran from the house, wailing, into the winter night. Donna followed, but I was so mad at her for not sticking up for me I demanded that she leave me alone. I found myself walking towards my mother's house in the cold. I had left my coat, and was only wearing a sweater and jumper set, so I was freezing, but I didn't care. I cried as I walked, and eventually got to my mother's house. Before I went in, though, I collapsed in a snow bank, and wailed up at the winter sky. I held my hands to my face, sobbing and shaking and shivering and thinking that I was going to die. Everything from that past year just erupted in me, and I had to let it all out instead of letting it fester inside me any longer.

It was at that moment that I decided that if I got into the schools I applied for on a whim, I was going to go. I was going to leave this town behind and with it, my heart break. But at that moment, the first thing on my mind was calling my psychologist.

_Without you, the breeze warms._

_The girls smile, the cloud moves._

_Without you, the tides change._

_The boys run, the oceans crash._

I moved back in with my Mom because I couldn't be with Fez. I felt like I had used him, and I didn't like that feeling anymore. It was because I felt used that I couldn't be around him without feeling bad. I basically immersed myself in the job I got at Feingold's, a Green Bay department store, in the beauty section. I was half hearted about it, but I did a good job. It wasn't until I got into NYU that I perked up. I told Kitty first, then my Mom, and then Donna. Donna was upset at first, and we fought, but we eventually made up and were friends again. She and Eric were the only two I hung out with, and that was fine by me. We would talk about how we were college bound, and reminisced about high school. But she wouldn't talk about Steven around me. I was fine with that. A couple nights before I left, she stayed over, as a last slumber party.

"So are you going to be at the airport?" I asked, doing her nails.

"Of course," she answered. "I invited everyone." I looked up at her. "Well, not everyone. No one undesirable. But Kitty, and Red, and Dad, and Fez are going to be there to see you off. What about your mother?"

"Nope. She has a country club meeting that day," I said, flatly. Donna dropped it, and I was thankful. "But I'm so happy everyone is coming. I am spending my last night here with Mom, because she actually asked if I would go out with her."

"That's good," Donna said. I nodded, and blew on her nails. "Are you nervous?"

"Are you?"

"Yes."

"Yeah, me too," I said. "But you'll do well, you're smart. I'm the one who should worry about grades."

"Jackie, you got into NYU, I don't think you have to worry about smarts," she said, and laughed a little bit. I giggled too, and drank some wine she brought over. "So, what are you going to do if Hyde wants to say goodbye?" I shrugged.

"I don't really want to see him, and I hope he can respect that," I said. "I'm putting him behind me."

"That's good."

"Yeah." But I wasn't so sure what I would do. I was afraid that if I saw him, I'd relent, and decide to stay and experience more heartbreak. Donna knew I was scared, and took my hand. "The nails, Donna." She knew I wouldn't fight her, though, and she squeezed my hand.

_The crowds roar, the days soar._

_The babies cry without you._

_The moon glows, the river flows._

_But I die without you._

As I did some last minute packing the day before I left, my mother knocked on my bedroom door.

"Jackie honey, I'm going to get my hair done before our night out," she said. I nodded as I organized my socks. "And honey, Steven called for you." I stopped what I was doing, and looked at her.

"What did he want?" I asked.

"He said he wanted you to call, and say goodbye," she said, and left for her appointment. I stared at my clothes, and felt torn. He wanted me to say goodbye to him, not him to say goodbye to me. Once again, even when I was leaving Point Place, most likely for good, he refused to instigate anything. That bastard, I thought, and threw my clothes in my suitcase in a disorderly fashion. I hate disorder too. Look what he does to me. Even when we're not together, he still has this power over me. Even when I feel like I would like nothing better than to push him off a cliff, I find myself wondering if I should go to his place and say goodbye. This frustrates me as I go through the clothes I'm taking and the ones I'm leaving behind. I had a decision to make, which was hard.

_The world revives, colors renew._

_But I know blue, only blue. Lonely blue._

_Making me blue without you._

_Without you the hand gropes. _

_The ear hears, the heart beats._

_Without you, the eyes gaze._

_The legs walk. The lungs breathe._

At the airport, everyone was there to say goodbye. Everyone but Steven, but I was okay with that. Kitty hugs me first.

"Call me, write me, send me something from New York!" she cries, kissing my face and hugging me and generally smothering me like she tends to do.

"I'll send you a Statue of Liberty Statue," I said, and she hugged me again. Red was up next.

"Now don't think that because you're going to school in New York that you can party and not study," he said. "You're going there to learn, not to party."

"Yes Mr. Foreman," I said. He hugged me quickly, and then it was Fez's turn.

"We had something special, Jackie," he said. "Even if it was for a couple days."

"Yeah, Fez," I said. We hugged, and I pushed him away when he smelled my hair. Eric was next.

"I hope that New York suits you," he said, and I nodded. "To think last winter you wanted to be Point Place's sensation."

"Funny how time changes things," I said.

"Yeah. Well, be careful," he said. "I've seen 'Taxi Driver'." I laughed, and we hugged. Bob was up next.

"Jackie, you know that you can stay with us any time you want," he said. "For Christmas, or New Years, or Thanksgiving-."

"She knows, Bob," Red said. I nodded, and hugged Bob really tight.

"Thank you for everything," I said. "And I mean everything." He nodded, and it was Donna's turn.

"You'll call when you get in, right?" she asked. I nodded.

"Yes."

"When are you coming back?"

"I don't know," I said. "Donna, I don't know if I am going to come back, honestly." She nodded, and I know she understood me.

"Well, if you ever want to, you can stay with me," she said. "You know my Dad thinks of you like a second daughter." I smiled, and nodded, and we hugged again and kissed each others cheeks as we cried.

"Don't worry that he didn't come, Jackie," she said. I smiled at her, and shrugged as I nodded.

"He knows how I feel," I stated. She was confused, but it was okay. We hugged one last time, and I knew I had to get on my flight. "Thank you, everyone. I will call when I get in." I waved, and they did too as I boarded. And yes, I did say goodbye to Steven, but it was in a way that I knew wouldn't entice me to stay. I knew that I couldn't stay. And as much as it pained me to say goodbye to Steven like I did, it had to be done.

As I sat on the plane, I felt tears prick to my eyes. I was leaving all I knew, everyone I knew, for an unknown future. And I was alone.

_The mind churns, the heart yearns._

_The tears dry without you._

_Life goes on, but I'm gone._

_Cuz I die without you._


	7. Chapter 6: Your Eyes

Disclaimer: I own nothing affiliated with THAT 70S SHOW or RENT.

Chapter 7: Your Eyes (Hyde)

Donna told me that Jackie was leaving. I didn't really believe her, I never thought that Jackie Burkhart would truly leave Point Place. She was the infection that wouldn't leave my body, as clichéd as that sounds. So when Donna told me that she was leaving, I was ecstatic. At least, I thought I was.

_Your eyes as we said our goodbyes,_

_Can't get them out of my mind,_

_And I find that I can't hide._

I didn't talk to her at all after that god awful Christmas party Kitty threw. After my anger and resentment just exploded at her, and I told her that I never loved her. Obviously that wasn't true, man, why would I have put up with her crap for all that time if I didn't love her? But at the moment, I was pretty sure that I hated her. And Sam had been pestering me to forget about her, to stop hanging out with her, and all that. It wasn't my fault that she latched onto my friends. But then Kitty, God help her, had to get a little drunk and say that she wished that I had married Jackie instead. So of course I had to defend my wife's honor, and instead of telling Kitty to lay off the eggnog, I laid into Jackie. And after I lied about how I really felt, she slapped me. And it hurt. Who would have thought a 95 pound cheerleader could hit that hard? And she left the party sobbing. It killed the festivities, and I stormed out the back door, telling Sam to leave me alone.

I hadn't talked to her after that, as I said. And that was fine by me. We were over. And it was her fault. She's the one who slept with Kelso, I justified to myself. Though, she didn't, but my pride was convinced she had, and told me to make her miserable. I did a good job of it, too.

_From your eyes, _

_The ones that took me by surprise._

_That night you came into my life,_

_Where there's moonlight_

_I see your eyes._

She had moved back in with her mother, and only talked to Donna and Eric, and got that dumb idea to go to New York for college. And she got in. She was always smarter than we gave her credit for. EN WHY fucking YOU, that's so much further than any of us would have gotten. Sure, Donna and Eric planned to go to Madison, but no one else in our group could get that far if we tried. I just kept telling myself that I was fine with it, that I didn't care and that soon I would be rid of my worst mistake. But as August approached, and as time went on, I found myself drinking more and more, and staying later and later at the record store. Sam and I barely talked anymore, I didn't talk to my friends on a regular basis, and everything was skewed. Eric and I had a big fight, we haven't been the same since. Donna confronted me the day before Jackie was going to leave.

"Are you going to go to the airport with us tomorrow to say goodbye?" she asked as I worked on inventory.

"Ha," I answered.

"I take that as a no."

"Why would I?"

"It was just a thought. How come you've both forgotten what you had?" she asked, leaning on the counter.

"We didn't have anything but irritation," I stated.

"That's such crap, Hyde," she said. "We both know it."

"Whatever."

"Hm, the Zen master bit is getting old," she said, and left the store. I sighed, and thought that maybe I should give Jackie a call. I did want to say goodbye, but it had to be on my own terms. I dialed her mother's number, and waited.

"Hello?" It was Pamela.

"Hi, is Jackie there?"

"May I ask who's calling?"

"…. It's Steven."

"Oh…. Well, she's kind of busy at the moment, doing some last minute packing," Pamela said, and I could tell she wasn't too happy to hear from me. "Can I take a message?"

"… Sure. Just tell her that I called, and that I would like to hear a goodbye," I said. "I won't be at the airport tomorrow, we're doing inventory, and-."

"I'll tell her." She hung up. Pamela was usually good on her word, so I knew that Jackie would get the message.

_How'd I let you slip away_

_When I'm longing so to hold you?_

_Now I'd die for one more day,_

_Cuz there's something I should have told you._

_There's something I should have told you._

She didn't call me. I suppose I can't blame her, I had been pretty rotten to her in the past months. Well, the months when we actually talked. And I sat in my store, doing monotonous tasks, seeing customers, and watching the clock, knowing when her flight left. And when that clock ticked to 1:34, I was furious. How could she not even say goodbye? I mean, yeah, I knew that I made it difficult, but come on man! That just reinforced my anger and hatred towards her.

I got home that night, threw my coat on the couch, and opened a beer while I watched television. Sam was out waitressing, and I thought I was the only person in the house. But I was wrong. Kitty and Eric walked through the kitchen door.

"We missed you today, Steven," she said, in a cheery but all the same disappointed tone.

"Work sucks, Mrs. Forman," was all I said. She sat on the couch next to me, and handed me a big brown package. "What's this?"

"It was addressed to you," she said. "I missed it this morning, but I found it when I got back from seeing Jackie off. She said that she would get me a Statue of Liberty statue for Christmas! Oh. I'm sure going to miss her." And with that, she walked out of the living room. I looked at the package, and knew exactly who it was from. Because Jackie is the only person I know who one calls me Steven, and wwo makes the end of the 'n' into a spiral. I knew that I would have to open it in private. I wondered what it could be. A going away gift? I didn't deserve a gift.

I then realized that Eric was filming me.

"Well are you going to open it?" he asked.

"Get that stupid camera out of my face, Foreman," I snarled, and grabbed the package as I stormed out of the room.

_When I look into your eyes,_

_Why does distance make us wise?_

_You were the song all along, and before_

_The song dies…_

I went to the bedroom, and undid the packaging. I opened the box, and there was something wrapped in tissue paper. On the top there was a little letter in an envelope, also marked Steven. She was always so thorough in that respect. I opened the envelope, and looked at the letter that was inside. A long explanation? A novel of sorrys, and excuses, and a last grasp at having something? I unfolded it, and my eyes saw the most basic thing I have ever seen that girl write.

'Goodbye, Steven.'

I was shocked. My stomach kind of lurched, and it finally hit me. She was really gone. It wasn't begging. It wasn't mean. It was a simple goodbye, the one that I wanted. I kind of chuckled a little to myself, and felt my heart begin to tear. Dare I look at what she put in that box? Wasn't the note in itself enough to say goodbye? I thought that maybe it was a new shirt, trying to dress me one more time. But when I tore back the tissue paper, that stupid heart of mine just ripped in two.

I pulled out the faded, worn, Led Zeppelin shirt I gave her a couple years before, and held it before my eyes. She had cut off her last tie to me. Even when we had been broken up all those months, and the times before, she had never returned the shirt. It was kind of like a symbol, that as long as she had that shirt, she was mine. But there it was before me. And she was gone. I pulled the shirt to my chest, accepting it. And I cried.

_I should tell you,_

_I should tell you,_

_I have always loved you._

_You can see it in my eyes._


	8. Epilogue: No Day But Today

Disclaimer: I own nothing affiliated with THAT 70S SHOW and RENT.

Epilogue: No Day But Today

Donna and I carve our pumpkins, and she insisted that I run the footage from the summer before we left. I watch the film of when she, Jackie, and I were all out college shopping. They were trying on clothes, playing with knick knacks, and I realize something. Jackie's eyes weren't sad when she was getting ready to leave. She looked truly happy. So a smile creeps across my face, because I just know that she's happy now.

_There's only us, there's only this.  
_

_Forget regret, or life is yours to miss._

As we all left the airport, I thought about how people want to go beyond what's familiar, and for what reasons they do so. Another of my closest friends was leaving. I hate it when people leave. But Jackie is a fish. She got too big for this little pond, just like Kelso did, and Eric, and soon Donna. Soon it will be just me and Hyde. And I wonder why Hyde hasn't had the urge to find himself and leave his little comfort zone. Maybe his comfort zone just left, and he doesn't care to admit it…

_No other road, no other way._

_No day but today. _

Since last year was so hard on Jackie, maybe college will help be a good year for her. The poor girl deserves a good year, she's been so lacking of them as of late. As years go by, and the kids grow up, I can't help but feel old. Michael is a few hours away, and Donna and Eric will be spending the holidays here with us. But Jackie may not come back at all. I hate to think that this horrible time she had would drive her away from those who love her. But, sometimes it takes many good years to make up for one bad one.

_I can't control my destiny._

_I trust my soul._

_My only goal is just to be._

Well, I hate to think that her leaving could only make things worse, but somehow I just know that it has. If only because I know that he still loves her. It hurts, yeah, but he can take me or leave me. And come on, it's not like I can't find anyone else. I don't need to waste my time on a man who's always thinking about someone else. I'd rather he instigated it, though. As much as I'm pissed at him, he needs to be honest with himself as much as he needs to be honest with me.

_There's only now,_

_There's only here._

I love the idea of college, but I wish that my loud, opinionated best friend was going to be here with me. I don't think that she will come back. And it makes me sad, thinking about that I mean. I know we'll keep in touch, and I know that we'll always mean a lot to each other. I get home, and look at the picture I have of us on my graduation day. Tears slowly slide down my face, but I'm smiling. If only because I had her in my life.

_Give in to love,_

_Or live in fear._

I hold the tee shirt to my chest as I lie on the bed. I think about all the mistakes I made that I blamed her for. And none of them were her fault, I realize. She just wanted some stability in her unstable life, and I couldn't, no, wouldn't give it to her. And while I thought she would take it, it turned out that she wouldn't. I underestimated her, even in the end. And now that she's gone, I realize how much she meant to me. And that now she's the one who's left me heartbroken. And it sucks having the shoe on the other foot.

_No other path,_

_No other way…._

The plane is in the air, and I think about that town that caused me so much pain in the end of my stay. And how they tried to make up for it all. Most of them, anyway. I found the way to give Steven a goodbye without giving in to him again. He has no power over me anymore, and it's liberating but devastating. I don't know how I feel about my plan for now. I hope that New York City is a better fit than Point Place was. Will I ever have as good a friend as Donna? Will my mother ever be as good as Kitty is? Will I ever love someone as deeply as I loved Steven? The questions plague my mind as I drift into sleep. But I realize that I can only take it one day at a time. I guess I'm satisfied with that for now. My life is what I make it. And I can finally start over again. And I'll start with today.

_No day but today._

THE END

A/N: Finito! I hope that it was good for everyone out there. Now that it's summer, I will hopefully be writing more and posting more. So let's hope this will be the first of many new fics.

ps, For a mroe fluffy J/H story read THE PRODIGAL CHEERLEADER, my first ff.n fic. :ends shameless self promotion:


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